Thursday, October 8, 2009

Why am I here? (Part 1)

WARNING: This entry may not talk about space, blackholes or any of that kinda cool stuff, so if you're looking for that, you can skip this entry.
So I have been wondering.... Why am I here? In the U.S.? for physics comes the answer. but is that enough. I do love physics and all, but it forms only 30-40% of the time I spend here. The rest of it... I don't really know what happens to it.
Its kinda weird. I am sitting in my dorm room, and I feel jealous of my friends studying in college back home in India. I am jealous, there's no denying that. But, as I browsed through some of the pics of these friends, I noticed something that I couldn't explain or understand. It was the shrinking of the bubble that any person has around him/her for his/her personal space. I was kind of surprised at how small that bubble had become in the Indian college going students. But maybe its because they are very genuine people and such things don't matter to them. I don't know, and probably won't ever know. I feel like I live on no man's land. Neither can I go back right now to my country (because I chose this path, and for the sake of integrity which I value a lot, I will not go back before my studies end here) nor can I blend into the crowd here ( I cannot accept a lot of values that exist in this culture). Its not like an identity crisis, I know that, but its confusion nonetheless. I don't know what to do. I do not think of physics all the time you know, I am not that dedicated. But I don't know what to do when I am free.

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