Thats why I don't have friends. Really. I'm not ready to open my arms and accept them for whomsoever they are, cause they really are, amazing. Every person is. But no, I have to judge them, pass them through a filter, which is faulty itself. And thats why perhaps, no one has passed yet. Some came close to the end of the other side, but just close, never entered it, cause the filter is so strict. How can I expect something white, when I acknowledge I'm very grey, a dark shade of grey. How is that reasonable at all? And yet, I find faults in every single relationship I have, be it with my parents, my sister, my most long lasting friends or with an acquaintance I just met. How can I do this to them, when I myself am so imperfect, that I tend to hate myself every so often?
It doesn't make sense. But unlike with other things that I deal with in life, I hope I'm able to resolve this problem, and not just live with it.
I know I was born alone, and my death too shall not (most probably) be with someone, I would like to walk a few steps on the wet sand with someone(s). Even if the foot prints don't last on the sand, those images shall be captured in my mind at least.
Maybe this is my problem, I know its not everlasting, yet I look for it.
I need to find something immortal (pardon my use of such strong words, due to lack of a better vocabulary), and to try and attach to it.